The Bar

Official "World of Beverage" Beverages

Everyone should invent one drink in their life. You'd better hurry up; we've got the jump start on you. Next time you're feeling bored and/or thirsty, try one of these:

Bouncy-Bouncy

Named after the Monty Python Hungarian Phrasebook skit, of course. Paul's very first concoction, back when he was but a babe and still preferred sweet drinks.

Recipe:

  1. Heat water until boiling.
  2. Add tea bags to taste - something somewhat bitter, such as a pekoe or even Earl Grey, though Black Currant is well thought of.
  3. Remove tea bags; throw at wall until they stick.
  4. Pour a dollop of rum, preferably Captain Morgan's or a similar dark, spicy rum, into the bottom of a large insulated mug. Somewhere between one and four shots; adjust for desired bounce.
  5. Pour in plenty of sugar.
  6. Slice a lemon in half. Squeeze lemon into mug with an impressive up-and-down motion. Drop peel and excess into mug.
  7. Fill mug with tea.
  8. Add between 6 and 10 grains of rice (adjusting for luck), preferably short-grained, sticky rice. Sushi rice does just fine.
  9. Shake cinnamon twice over top.
  10. Stir with long (chinese-style) chopstick.
  11. Add a comfy chair and good conversationalist. For those who have it, cold weather sharpens taste.
  12. Enjoy.

Comrade Nazi

From a terrible joke of Russian origin, via alec.

  1. Clean the grunge from one of those tall cylindrical shot glasses, preferably one from Florida that says "name your poison" on it in peeling black letters.
  2. Fill the shot halfway with Barenjager (not Jagermeister, mind you. Look for the short bottle with the plastic bees on it.)
  3. Fill out your death sentence with vodka (preferably something Polish and brutal; that Barenjager's too good for you).
  4. Emotionally blackmail friends into joining you.
  5. Dredge up a heinous crime to atone for.
  6. Throw it past tonsils; clamp mouth shut.
  7. Repeat until unconscious.

Golden Delicious

A cold-weather holiday drink, quite insidious.

  1. Heat apple cider until toasty. Some prefer chunky cider; some prefer filtered. The best comes from the mountains in plastic jugs.
  2. Splash some golden rum in a mug.
  3. Spill a whole shot of Goldschlager into the mug. Oops! (If too cheap for Goldschlager, experience great remorse and substitute some other cinnamon schnaps).
  4. Fill mug with hot cider.
  5. Sit comfortably; sip while humming tunelessly.

This round's on me.